first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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