No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
