Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You've changed since you got that strap on
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
