I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
