I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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