Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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