he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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