Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My hand turned me down
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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