Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
