I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
