i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
