Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
