Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
