I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
