In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
