I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
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