why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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