I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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