Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
