Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
