Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
