Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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