I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
