i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
