Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
