Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
