let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
