remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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