I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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