You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
