All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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