I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
