I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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