So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
im on a boat
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