dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
