we're blogging at a bar
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
