i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Two words: blizzard sex
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
