did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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