He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
