i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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