You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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