i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
