Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
