Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
