Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
