I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
