This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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