omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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