wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
