Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
