tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
