just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
